LOVE versus AMBITION

Graduation Day

Jitters…I hope I don’t trip and fall 

Anticipation…Does this tassel go on the right or left side of this cap? 

Excitement…Here we go!

As the bag pipes sounded off the start to our quarter mile march down Samuels Plaza to the commencement ceremonies at NJPAC, I couldn’t help but be enveloped by this single thought, “I’m proud of myself.” 

Any other day I wouldn’t be this cocky (most of the time I only gloat on days ending in Y: insert smirk here:).  But with each step I took with my fellow graduates, I not only saw the pride among us but felt ittoo.  It was great to see such comradery and appreciation for one another.  We all shared an understanding of the difficult journey it took to get here along with a better appreciation for the meaning, “in due time.”

What a great feeling it is to know that you’ve not only earned your place in line but deserve that momentous glory.  A culmination of hopes and dreams materialized against all odds of self-doubt, tireless studying and bouts of almost giving up.  “I made it,” I thought to myself, “I survived and I made it.”

And then we arrived.  The doors opened and we were standing in the middle of what I can only describe was a bright star.  Thousands of lights shining and flashing.  Trumpets and horns blaring in salute of your highest accomplishments.  And most importantly, a sea of people comprised of loved ones and friends there to cheer you on as if doing so after 4 years wasn’t enough already.  I looked up at the crowd and saw my family exuding so much excitement and pride.  I almost cried.  I mouthed to them, “I love you” and they all smiled. 

Graduation was a beautiful moment; one that I will preserve forever.  But what I took away from it was something far more essential than anything I ever learned in class… I learned the value of WORTH.        

So It’s Time to Step it Up…

Raise your hand if you are:

A)  A recent college graduate wondering what to do next with your life.  

B)  Seeking employment but bracing yourself for the numerous rejections you’ll get before getting a definite YES.

C)  In a situation that is requiring you to trade in your comfortable lifestyle (12:00pm “mornings,” ass-loving sweats, and Netflix being the highlight of your life) for the American Dream (gag =X).

If you’ve answered yes to all of the above, welcome to the grass that we thought was greener on the other side.  But in all seriousness, I want to take this time to commend you for your efforts in making it this far in your early adult life.  Now some of you may say, “Growing up sucks!”  Or, “Why the hell did I just waste 4 years of my life?”  I’m here to tell you… I know exactly how you feel and I don’t blame you one bit.  But even more so, I’m here to give you moral support and sound advice – DON’T GIVE UP! 

I was watching a movie last week called, “Return to Me,” with David Duchovny & Minnie Driver.  It was a really old and cheesy rom-com but there was one line in the film that certainly rang true in my mind.  One of the characters said that “God gives the most challenges to the strongest people because He knows they can handle it.  So really, you should take it as a compliment.”  You are a strong person.

So with that, I realized why it was that I “wasted” 4 years of my life to get to this point – Opportunity.  Sure there are going to be trying times in our lives now til we’re old and gray.  But what we have to remember is that in those times when we feel like the world is forcing us to do things that we really don’t wanna do, all it’s really doing is pushing us towards another opportunity.  In that case, the grass really might be greener on the other side.  -HLD   

Brand Yourself

How many of you would call yourselves ambitious?  How about determined or driven?  Unique?  Most people would.  But how many of you would honestly say that you possess a quality so different, so unique that the person sitting right next to you might not already have? 

Contrary to popular belief, ambition isn’t just about beating out the competition.  It isn’t about showing that you’re capable of doing something better than another person.  Because by only focusing to do better, we get caught up in this incessant need to “out-do.”  I don’t think that’s what ambition should solely be about.  It should be about MAKING YOUR OWN BRAND; being yourself so that when you’re presented with the opportunity to show what you can do, you can do what only you can show.   

So stop trying to find ways to out-ruse the next person by proving that you can do it better.  Because chances are, you probably could.  But why would you want to waste your time and energy being the better version of another person?  Why not just be yourself?   You’ll find that if you focus on improving the things that make you, you, will be the very reasons that’ll push you ahead of the game.  Your game.  - HLD 

Sometimes You have to Lose Control…

A young lady who once told me that “sometimes you have to loose control in order to live your life and be bold”, not to mention a friend of 14 years, Heather Dumlao speaks with me about taking risks in life.  As a believer in this philosophy, I was happy when she took the time to share where she is in her creative journey as an aspiring writer and producer with me.  Take a look. 

I.E.B.: Who are you and who do you aspire to be? 

Heather Dumlao:  Well, I’m still in the process of discovering who I am.  I want to be a writer and producer for film and television.  Who I am is an evolving process. 

I.E.B.: Can you pinpoint back to the earliest time when you know you wanted to be producer/ writer? 

Heather Dumlao: Well I’ve always been into writing. As a kid I used to think up the craziest kinds of stories. In elementary school, I remember always being teased for having “too much time on my hands” because my papers and projects were pretty elaborate and detail-oriented. I even got a few of my poems published. But as far as choosing to pursue a career as a writer/producer, what appeals most to me about it is the ability to write a story and see it come to life thru films or plays.

I.E.B.: What projects are you working on this semester?

Heather Dumlao: I’ve got a few ideas up my sleeve this semester. I’m particularly excited because we just got new HD cameras in school so the footage is going to be amazing. I’ve possibly got a documentary and short film in the works. You’ll just have to wait and see what they’re about. 

I.E.B.: What has been one of your most fulfilling moments so far? 

Heather Dumlao: Well I’m still waiting for my big break. But so far, I think the greatest accomplishment I’ve completed was being able to intern for Showtime Networks in New York. It was a great learning experience and I was able to apply some of my creativity on the job. I’m hoping to work for them once I graduate. Fingers crossed. 

I.E.B.: What have you learned so far?

Heather Dumlao:  What I’ve learned so far this industry and can recommend to other people is that you’ve got to take initiative, build your network, be a sponge, and don’t ever be afraid to talk to people.  I am a firm believer that no question is too stupid to ask because if you genuinely don’t know something or how to do something, how will you know if you don’t open up.  Lastly, don’t be a brown-noser [laughs].  Take initiative but don’t be annoying.

I.E.B.:  What role does your family play in you being able to follow your interests?

Heather Dumlao:  They play a big role because when I was younger they were surprised about the stories I used to write.  It kept evolving so they supported me.  Sophomore year I really had to sit down and think about what I really wanted to do, if I should play it safe or follow my passions and take a risk.  I sat down with me dad and he encouraged it.  Being a Filipino American, it is kind or rare because the old school Filipinos usually expect you to a nurse or accountant, and I am going to be neither of those.

I.E.B.: That’s great.  Sometimes you need to follow the path less taken.  What inspires you in life?

Heather Dumlao:  Meeting new people, going to new places.  Different challenges that life brings.  I really do like meeting new people, networking and seeing what walks of life different people are coming from.  I think that it is important because as a writer when you write it needs to come from a  place of emotion.  Furthermore, two people that really inspire me are my mom and my sister.  My mom, because she’s the strongest woman that I know.  No matter what life brings she’s kept humble.  She’s selfless, strong and tough. Growing up with a sister who has special needs, I’ve really learned a lot from by the simply way she sees life.  Sometimes I’m jealous because she doesn’t stress about things.  She’s often content with simply listening to music and staying home. 

I.E.B.:  Now here is a question for the writer in you.  If you were to be an objective, what abject would you be? And why?

Heather Dumlao: If I could be an object, I think I would be a tree because they are the basic givers of life, and they have history.  Sometimes they are around for decades, and it is interesting to think that if a tree is around for so long, they have been able to witness some really important events in the world.  As a writer, I think that if I were a tree, I would have a lot to write about.

I.E.B.:  Beautifully said, Heather.  I am sure you will be making alot of your own history as you go on to do great things.  Thank you for your time. 

Heather Dumlao:  Thank you for interviewing me.  Now let’s go eat. [laughs]
 

You ARE Worthy…

Just thought I’d share this with all of you.  It’s a poem that one of my aunts shared with me years ago which I reference back to from time to time whenever I’m feeling unsure & vulnerable.  It’s a great reminder of how to love oneself and be resilient even in those tough times.  Enjoy and remember… you are worth it =)

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others

It is because we are different that each of us is special

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important

Only you know what is best for you

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart

Cling to them as you would your life, for without them,

Life is meaningless

Do not let your life slip through your fingers

By living in the past nor for the future

By living your life one day at a time,

You live all the days of your life

Do not give up when you still have something to give

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying

It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other

Do not be afraid to encounter risks

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find

The quickest way to receive love is to give love;

The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly

Do not dismiss your dreams

To be without dreams is to be without hope;

To be without hope is to be without purpose

Do not run through life so fast that you forget

Not only where you have been but also where you are going

A Continuum of Gray…

When you’re a kid, everything in your life seems to be black and white – Go to school, get good grades, don’t get in trouble & most importantly, obey your parents.  Now just think.  If we all lived our lives according to those simple rules, life would be just that: simple.  But somewhere along the lines of transitioning from kid to teen, teen to adult, immature to mature, the colors get a little blurry; it gets a little gray.  All of a sudden you find yourself going against the grain of what’s “normal.” You grapple with who you’re supposed to be, versus who you want to be, versus who you actually are.  And you constantly try to figure out what you’re supposed to do versus what you’re actually doing.  How then do we know the difference between right and wrong? 

I’m finding that the answer is neither what is right nor wrong but rather how true we are to ourselves right now.  I think that over the course of our lives there are many truths we will believe in, all relevant to who we are at a particular point in time.  For example: at 7 years old, you’re truth is that Santa Claus will punish you for bad behavior by giving you a lump of coal for Christmas unless you’re good.  At 14, you’re truth is that the love you share with your first love will last forever damning anything that gets in your way.  But at 22, you’re truth is that everything you’ve ever known or thought you knew barely prepares you for the reality that the world we live in, is one of constant change.  But it is in that realization that we need to let go of the vision that everything has to be black and white.  We need to open our minds and accept the continuum of gray, the continuum of change.  If we do, we might begin to see the next truth.

-HLD

New Places, New Perspectives & A New You

What is it about traveling somewhere outside the boundaries of home that makes us see things in a different light?  I guess it’s because we tend to focus so intently on what we need to do on a daily basis that we often forget to “vacate” our minds and take time for ourselves to regroup and appreciate what we already have.  A new environment forces us to slow down our pace and take in what would otherwise go unnoticed in our normal routines.  A new place can inspire new possibilities and even new appreciations.  But why is it that for so many of us, regrouping is a luxury we prioritize last?  It shouldn’t be that way.  We tend to miss out on some pretty extraordinary things when we get caught up in worrying and stressing out.  I admit, I am guilty of that.  I have always been the type to over-stress, over-analyze, over-think, over-react and most of all over-perfect everything I do.  I build these standards around myself that are sometimes too high to reach and when I don’t reach them, I literally fight to catch my breath and regain my balance when things get overwhelming.  But what I am slowly learning now is that it is within my own mindset that I control my own fears.  I’ve adopted the mantra where things are that they are and you just have to have faith and let things fall into place…whatever of wherever that place may be.     

- HLD

Would you leave the man of your dreams to follow the dreams in your head?

I fell in love with him when I was fourteen.  Young, starry-eyed and hopeful, I thought he was everything I’d ever need.  But eight years later, the vision tends to look a little different when you realize there’s more to life than just a fairytale love story.   It’s not that I stopped loving him; I know I never will.  But the thing about being in a relationship is that you seem to always think in pairs.   Every decision you make is based off of what’s good for you as a couple rather than you as an individual. As a woman, it’s so easy to lose yourself in love.  You tend to suppress your own needs and forget about your own beliefs and ambitions for that other person.  You become infatuated with the idea that as long as you have him, love is all you need to get by.  Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in love.  But I also believe in loving yourself.  Someone once told me that a relationship should be complimentary NOT supplementary.  It’s true.  When you’re with someone you love, you should compliment each other meaning that you as a whole and him as a whole fit naturally.  If your relationship is supplementary, you spend most of your time trying to make it fit and convince yourself that you need that person when deep down inside you know you’re probably better off without them.  If you truly believe that you’ve found the man (or woman) of your dreams and they feel the same about you, both of you will support each other’s decisions to follow your dreams because in the end it all comes back no matter how long it takes.  True love knows no time nor distance…

- HLD

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…”

If someone would’ve told me two months ago, that everything I’d ever known, believed in and loved would change in the blink of an eye, ironically, I’d call them crazy.  You see, I have always been the type of person who embraces change and finds challenges exciting.  But now, I’m not so sure.  Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads trying to figure out which direction to go?  All the while you’re fighting the urge to step forward yet know that you can’t step back?  That’s exactly where I’m at right now.  And as I look to the journey ahead of me, all I keep thinking about is how terrifying it feels to be going at this alone. I ask myself: Will I be okay?  Am I going to make it?  How will I make it?…(especially without you)  So this blog is going to be about my journey and the lessons I’ll learn along the way which maybe some of you can relate.  In an effort to get to know myself again, I hope to laugh, live, appreciate and eventually love once more.  (And maybe one day we’ll meet again on this path).  So with the help of the wise Confucius, my single step starts here.

-  HLD